5 years ago....

Today, 2nd of April 5 years ago, our father passed away and I could not even cry...I still hurt and think of him but I cannot shed a tear again. I know I could blame him for so many things in life but why? I am sure we all at home are as much at fault as he was with his acute drinking problem and the fact that he could not talk on what he was feeling or going through.
I know that we all lead a different life and we all have a choice to make but sometimes I know that our choice over rides the choices of our parents or vice versa and we turn out to be different people.
I am sure everyone of you have gone through a similar path and will understand how we get on emotionally at all levels, whether we want the right thing to be or to be in the right.
I cried after a month when after having a shower, the song by Luther Vandross played, 'Dance with my father' and I wept for half an hour trying to piece together where we all went wrong and how could I have helped him help me, but all in all I feel destiny had/has played her game and thats how it was supposed to be.
I know i wanted to change so many things but could I??? Maybe if I could turn back the clock and did differently, but still... the outcome is more or less the same... the choices we make is the outcome of our own decisions.